


Énouement

by ElizaTellsTheStory



Series: SasuSaku Month 2017 [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Feels, Character Death, F/M, Heavy Angst, Prompt: Love You Goodbye, SasuSaku Month 2017, Tumblr: sasusakumonth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 22:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11427846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaTellsTheStory/pseuds/ElizaTellsTheStory
Summary: Sasuke has always known great loss. It is what has shaped and controlled his entire life. When another great loss touches Sasuke’s life, he struggles to cope without falling into darkness again.





	Énouement

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta-ed.
> 
> So I’ve been suffering through a horrible period of writer’s block these past few days, but I really wanted to get this out for you all. I’m playing with a slightly different format, so let me know what you think! I hope you all enjoy it.

Seven days. 

It had been seven days since Sasuke’s world came crashing down around him. He couldn’t feel anything. He was numb. Maybe he was getting used to the universe shitting on him. Maybe all the bad karma he’d managed to store up had finally come for him. He wished only he could take it all back if it would mean saving her. 

He stood with his back to Konoha. It was the very same hill he’d stood on to look over Naruto’s wedding, only this time, he couldn’t bare to look at the place that had been his home for such a short amount of time. 

He’d been a fool.

It would never be his home again. No where could be now. All that was left was the mission. 

His jaw set. His entire being strained to stop the prickling at his eyes. As much as he never wanted to see that place again—the place that only brought him pain—he knew he’d be back. Even if he was just passing through, eventually he’d be back. For now though, he had to say goodbye.

… 

Six days. 

Sasuke stood in the middle of their-his. His apartment.The silence of it rang in his ears. He felt smothered. Their things laid scattered around the floor. They were more his things than hers. He’d been careful not to damage anything that was hers in his rage. The furniture though, had been fair game. Pieces of the dining room table laid splintered around the house. Stuffing was coming out of the couch where he’d thrust a chidori through it in his anger. He didn’t pay the mess any mind though. He wouldn’t be living in it anymore. 

He picked his way over the wreckage, careful not to disturb it as he made his way to their room. That was the one place that had remained untouched. There was too much of her in it. Not even in his anger filled devastation could he bring himself to trash it. He hadn’t even pulled down the sheets while he slept. Everything remained exactly the same as it had the last time she stepped foot here.

Quickly, he began to pack for his journey. He didn’t need an excuse to linger here in this place full of memories that both tortured and soothed his pain. He intended to only grab the essentials: versatile clothes for various weathers, weapons, money.

He stopped in front of a picture frame. The photo of the two of them on their travels has already been tucked away in the pocket on the inside of his cloak. This one was a memory he’d looked at dozens of times before. It was one he’d left many years ago the first time he’d decided to leave the village. This time though, it held his gaze, or rather the young kunoichi in the center of the frame did.

It had been her copy.

His had been lost many years ago along with the other things he’d left behind, but of course she’d treasured her copy and kept it close throughout the years. He was glad for it. He didn’t have any other photos of her back then, looking so young and happy. Carefully he picked up the frame and cradled it in his hands. His bag lay forgotten on the floor. The only thing he could see now was that picture. 

The Uchiha’s Curse of Hatred may be gone, but Sasuke still felt cursed. Silent tears dripped onto the glass frame and his hands tightened around the memory. 

…

Five days. 

It was adequately overcast as though the weather somehow knew and dimmed itself out of respect for the lives that had been lost. It was funny, Sasuke mused as he stood motionless in front of the slab of stone. She would have preferred it be sunny. In the days after the war, with what little free time she had, she’d liked to bask in it.  

If he closed his eyes, he could imagine that they were still there. Him in the back yard with his back against a tree. The shade was cool upon his skin. The shadows danced around him whenever a gentle wind blew. She, on the other hand, would sprawl out in the sun, just outside of the shadows’ reach. It would bathe her in an ethereal light in a way that made it impossible to take his eyes off of her. He wished he could bottle those moments up and live in them forever. 

It was a sight he’d never see again. 

Many new plots had been dug in the wake of the destruction. He wasn’t alone in paying his respects, but he felt it. It was the kind of alone that he was oh so familiar with. The kind that she’d helped save him from, however briefly it had been. 

“How long have you been here?” 

He didn’t react at the sound of his old sensei’s voice. He knew that sooner or later one of her many friends would come by. He was relieved that it was Kakashi. If anyone would understand the way he felt, it would be the Copy Nin. 

“Long enough.”

Kakashi moved to stand beside Sasuke. His gaze was trained down at the stone. He didn’t need to see his old student’s face to know that his eyes were bloodshot. “Are you sure you want to do this? It won’t bring her back.” There had been a time that Kakashi had thrown himself into his work out of grief to make himself forget, just as Sasuke hoped to do. Who was he to tell him not to do the same? People coped the way the needed to. 

“Aa,” Sasuke murmured, never taking his eyes off the stone. “I just needed to say goodbye one last time.”

It wouldn’t be the last. 

In the blink of an eye, Sasuke body flickered away, leaving Kakashi to sigh. “Look after him, will you?” He squatted down to place his flower next to the white lilies and cosmos flowers that already decorated the grave. 

…

Four Days.

He stood in the back of the Hokage’s office, leaning against the wall. He let his bangs hide his face the same way she had when she was young, only rather than hiding fear, he was hiding a simmering anger.

The atmosphere of the room was anxious and mournful. It was packed full of the visiting Kages and their advisors as well as Naruto and himself. He wasn’t the only one who wanted answers. The room was buzzing with speculation.

The click of the door opening wasn’t loud by any means, but by the time it had shut behind the Rokudaime, everybody was silent. All eyes were on Kakashi and Shikamaru as they made their way to the desk. Sasuke could see the tired bags under his sensei’s eyes.

“We weren’t able to get much information from our…guest…but here’s what we do have,” Shikamaru began, his voice as business like and to the point as it ever got. “The attacked was instigated by some ninja attached to a group of missing-nin who fancy themselves anarchists. They figured the Chunin Exams would be the prime time to make their move with all of us gathered here. We have no idea who this group is or how big their numbers are, but we can guess that they formed sometime shortly after the war if they’re already organized enough to orchestrate an attack of this scale.”

“So what are we supposed to do? We can’t let them just get away with something like this!” Naruto blurted out. He clenched his fists and bared his teeth, his anger rising at the thought of this nameless, faceless group dealing such a blow to not only Konoha, but the rest of the villages gathered. There had been many a good shinobi lost to the chaos. “I thought we were done with this! We’re supposed to be at peace!”

“It seems that not everyone is content with peace. Not everyone trusts the system.” Kakashi sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. “The best we can do now is get more information. These people are dangerous and we need to know what they’re planning. Ideally, we send someone out on a mission as soon as possible to find this group, infiltrate, and feed us information from the inside.” 

“I-”

“I’ll go,” Sasuke cut Naruto off with the first words he’d spoken the entire day. “You’re too recognizable, Idiot. They’d never take you. I’ll go.” 

“You aren’t exactly an unknown either, Bastard.” Naruto’s usual fire for their banter was muted. Rather than the glare Sasuke was used to getting, Naruto’s eyes held worry. 

“Uchiha,” the Kazekage spoke quietly, “You’ll have to forgive us, but understand that several of us are worried about your objectivity in this.”

Saskue glanced around the room to be met with more pity than he cared for. “You don’t think I can get the job done.” It wasn’t a question. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ll have abandoned Konoha, and no one has a better motive to stop believing in the system than I do. I’ll get it done.” His eyes met the eyes of every single Kage in that room to be sure they felt his conviction. “Let me do this.” 

“You’ll be labeled a missing-nin again. You won’t be able to come back until the mission is over,” Kakashi clarified. 

“I understand.” 

… 

Three days.

Sasuke returned home dressed in all black. Her funeral had been that afternoon, and somehow, he’d managed to hold it together in front of all those people. Somehow, in the midst of still working to find victims still buried under the rubble and patients in the hospital, many of their friends and comrades had managed to make it. Even those who had admired his wife from afar as an idol had come to pay their respects, and he’d stood strong in front of them all, grunting his thanks every time someone offered him condolences.

He’d always hated that. The way people would say they were sorry for his loss. He’d heard that phrase too many times in his existence. Sorry never brought any of them back. It only made the emptiness seem bigger, colder. 

The moment he stepped over the threshold of their home, he felt it. Her absence. Everything looked exactly the same, perfectly in place, from the last time they’d been there. Three days. It had been three days since her death, and he hadn’t been able to bring himself to come here since the attack. 

It wasn’t the emptiness that got to him. He’d had an entire lifetime to get used to that. It was how perfect everything was. As though it were frozen in time, in a world where she was still alive. It was the way her chair at the table was always pushed out instead of in, or the way her medic coat for her shift at the hospital was slung carelessly over the couch where she’d left it as she’d trudged to their bedroom late one night, too tired to put it up. It was the way her boots laid in the foyer, one up straight and one on it’s side, or the way that her slippers were perfectly lined up side by side. Those were the things that undid him. The things that sent his sorrow and anger spiraling. 

Neighbors would say they heard shouts and loud crashes or the chirp of lightning in the silence of the night. He wasn’t aware of any of it. All he saw was the color of his anger flashing before his eyes. The color of the eyes that could achieve no higher evolution in his hurt. The color of his hand, scraped raw from his seemingly endless attempt to uncover her from the rubble. The color of her life’s essence spilt around her where the roofing had crushed her. The color that stained the dress of the little girl she’d thrown her body over to protect. The color that she’d always worn no matter how many shirts or dresses she’d outgrown or torn in combat. Her color. 

When Naruto came to check on him the next morning, he found Sasuke curled on the floor in the middle of a destroyed living space, the medic’s coat wrinkled in his hands, but in one piece. 

Neither would ever speak of how Naruto found Sasuke that morning. 

…

Two days.

He’d outlived the only woman he’d ever loved, the only woman he would ever love, by two days so far. He felt like a crushing weight was pressing down on him. He didn’t know when it had happened, but someone had separated them and taken him to the hospital. His only remaining hand was bandaged along with his side. He didn’t know why he was there. He didn’t hurt. Not physically at least.

A nurse, who's name he didn’t know but whom he recognized from when he’d come to pick his wife up from a shift, entered the room. She looked surprised.

“Oh, you’re awake!”

“Where is she?”

“U-Uchiha-san, you should really lie down.”

“Where is my wife?” His voice came harder this time. The nurse seemed at a loss for what to say under his sharp gaze.

“Never mind.” He pulled the IV from his veins and stood from the bed in one swift movement, despite the way his muscles protested. “I’ll find her myself.”

“Y-you can’t do that!” The nurse squeaked as he pushed past her, striding out the door and down the hallways with purpose. His eyes swept the hallway and every single room he passed for any sign of pink or baring that, someone who’d be able to give him answers. It wasn’t too long before he caught sight of the Godaime’s assistant exiting a room. In seconds, his hand was balled in the fabric of her clothes menacingly, his glare meeting the overwhelmed woman’s wide eyes. 

“Where is she?!” he snarled. His sharingan spun angrily.

“S-Sasuke,” Shizune choked. Her toes just barely grazed the floor from where he held her up. Despite his violence, he was only met with pity. 

“Tell me she’ll be alright. That she’s in the operating room.” He was in denial. Shizune’s gaze only saddened, and it was the only answer he needed. His entire being trembled. Slowly, his grip loosened from the woman’s collar, and her feet dropped back to the floor.

“No.” The word was said with such conviction that Shizune almost believed that he’d be able to will her back to life. “No. There has to be some way. She said the Kazekage was brought back to life-”

“That jutsu died with Chiyo.”

“The Godaime-”

“Is saving as many people as she can. Sasuke…” The rest of her words fell on deaf ears.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, but he paid it no mind. His knees gave out, and he slid to the floor. Once again, he felt like the kid who had watched his entire family die before his very eyes, helpless and vulnerable.

He was vaguely aware of people moving around him and more voices joining Shizune’s, just as he was vaguely aware of a warm, gentle chakra on the back of his head. For a moment, he wanted to believe it was Sakura’s. Then darkness welcomed him. 

…

The day.

It was a day that without a doubt, tied with the worst day of his life.

It started with the Chunin Exams. Something horrible always happened at the Chunin Exams. They were one of the first things that should have been changed once peace had settled throughout the Hidden Villages, but no. It was held as it always was, only this time, all five Hidden Villages were represented. All Five Kage were in one place. They should have planned better.

One second he was sitting in the stands with Sakura and Naruto watching the matches, and the next, chaos erupted. There was no warning, the arena just began to collapse in on itself and enemy ninja surrounded the stadium. With only a glance at each other, the trio had split up: Sakura to help evacuate civilians, Naruto to protect the Kages, and Sasuke to take out the enemy. He didn’t think to check on either of them until after the fight was over. It was something he’d never stop beating himself up over later.

The dust settled and bodies were scattered around the rubble, enemies, allies, and civilians alike. Sasuke had just finished tying up the man who seemed to be the ring leader and dropped him off with the Kage when it occurred to him that he hadn’t seen his wife for some time. Ordinarily in situations like this, he’d catch glimpses of her pink hair as she rushed from patient to patient, but all he saw were medic-nin clad in white rather than Sakura’s signature red. His pulse began to race in worry, but he calmed himself. Sakura was a more than capable kunoichi. She was probably off healing someone somewhere.

It took him two whole searches of the stadium before he began to ask around.

Ten people were questioned before his heart leaped to his throat in fear.

All it took was one pair of the Hyuga’s Byakugan to find her, and one large pile of rubble for every fear, every nightmare he’d ever lived to come rushing to the forefront of his mind.

“I can see two bodies, but…Sasuke, there’s only one chakra signature.”

That was all he’d allowed himself to hear before he was on his knees, clearing the rubble as quickly as he could with his hands. He wouldn’t risk using a jutsu and causing more of a cave in. Despite his injuries and the blood stain at his side growing bigger from his exertion, he worked as quickly as he could, blocking everything but his goal out of his mind. 

At some point, Naruto joined him. Not long after that, more hands helped carry rubble and rocks away from the site until the last bit was moved to reveal a dust covered body. 

“Sakura!”

He rushed to her, ready to collect her in his arm. For a moment, he swore he saw her chest move with breath. He swore she was alive, but before he reached her, a terrified, teary eyed, bloodstained girl crawled out from under his wife. Sakura was motionless. 

_No._

He refused.

_No, no, no, no, no._

She had to be alive. She couldn’t be-

Blood colored the ground around her in splashes. It stained her clothes, her skin. He picked her up to cradle her in his arm and it stained him to, but all he could focus on was her. Her lack of breath. The dull look in her usually lively eyes. 

The sounds of despair around him dulled to a muffled roar. All he could hear was his heartbeat in his of ears. All he could hear was the silence where her’s should have been.

His face contorted in despair as he slowly brought his forehead to touch hers. She was still warm. His tears rolled down her cheeks, leaving little trails in the dust that coated her skin. He could feel himself caving in around her body. He gripped her to himself, holding her tightly. His hair fell over both their faces, obscuring them to those who that the misfortune to see the great Uchiha Sasuke break.

Everything he should have done flashed through his mind. He should have stayed with her. He should have watched for her. He shouldn’t have wasted so much of his time with her. The time he spent alone when he could have been with her. The time he asked her to wait while he found his redemption. The time he spent consumed by hatred. He wished he could take it all back.

But people were only given one life, and he had wasted hers.


End file.
